In PSYCH 110, I learned about this thing called post decisional dissonance. It’s like when you make a decision, you’ll convince yourself that the choice you made was the right one. You’ll convince yourself of this because it’s probably a decision that’s important or hard to reverse. For example, I’ll tell myself that the college I chose was definitely the right decision over my second choice. There’s no way of knowing for sure if I would have been happier at my second choice school but I’m going to believe I made the right decision (I definitely did).

I’ve experienced this psychological occurrence before learning about it in PSYCH 110, but now I’m able to recognize it as such. And I’ve been thinking about how this process is such a clear example of how people convince themselves of things they aren’t 100% sure are true but believing it to be true would make their lives a whole lot easier. I also feel like this process is the reason why so many people are afraid to talk about things that they did wrong or decisions that ended in disappointment. Instead they’ll convince themselves and others that what they did was right. 

To focus in on the latter point, I feel like people so rarely want to talk about their disappointment when it comes to big decisions because sometimes it can feel like they are partially responsible. For example, what if after I chose to switch my major I end up hating my new one next school year? What if my study abroad program isn’t everything I dreamed of? What if my new job I just quit my other one for is just as bad as the old one or worse? 

And then what we end up doing is deciding that a potential truth IS true for our own peace of mind…

• My dreams were just unrealistic and unachievable that’s why they didn’t happen… not because I was just scared to try and fail.

• I’m going to study __(insert field)__ because it’s going to set me up well… not because it’s what’s expected of me and I actually don’t really like it at all.

• I had a great time doing research for this professor, and doing that other summer job would not have been as much of a learning experience or good padding for the resume.

All of these are examples of ways that I could see someone using post decisional dissonance as a way to try and suppress that little part of themselves that isn’t really okay with the decision that they made. We suppress it within ourselves and definitely don’t let other people know about it either.

When I think about this pattern of not wanting to talk about disappointment or wrong choices, I feel like it comes back to this idea of saving face. We want other people to think that we made a good decision and it led to this beautiful outcome. We want other people to think that we had an amazing experience (internship, trip, etc) because we are the ones who made the decision to have that experience. In other words, we can’t make it seem like we make mistakes. 

To use an example from my own life… this summer I’m experiencing some disappointment. Don’t get me wrong, I know that I am so blessed. And if you ask me how my summer is going I would say it’s going good… because it is. However, I spend more days than I would like to at home, it gets harder and harder to make plans with friends, and time seems to be ticking away faster than I would like. My internship is really where I could see myself playing into the post decisional dissonance. While it’s true that this experience is giving me some resume padding, I’ve also had some days where I have felt really frustrated and unfulfilled.

I really wanted something to do this summer and I thought an internship was what I wanted. I was really thankful to God for the opportunity and it felt SO God-ordained. But it’s okay, I don’t have to pretend like I love my internship just because I felt like God gave it to me. In fact, God might have given it to me and WANTED me to not love it! I have learned so much from my internship this summer, just not in the ways that I thought I would. And in more ways than one, this experience has been a blessing. However, I could tell everyone about my amazing internship and leave out the parts that were not so great to make it seem like I had the most perfect experience this summer… but WHY?

I think it’s interesting how humans continuously try and convince one another of perceived perfection while simultaneously knowing perfection does not exist. How much better of a world would we have if we just acknowledged the fact that we make mistakes, life is disappointing sometimes, and things don’t always go as planned? If disappointment and mistakes were shared more often, we would embrace them as opportunities for growth and learning. You don’t know how beautiful the view is from the mountaintop if that’s all you have ever seen.

And I think it’s unfortunate how I’m not sure that I see a difference in an approach to this kind of thing in Christian circles… but there definitely should be. I could insert 1000 Bible verses here about how “in our weakness He is made strong.” But instead I’ll just say how our disappointment is an opportunity for us to show others how God is the one writing the story. Why do we need to fear making mistakes when we are not the one in control at all? Why do we need to fear disappointment and brokenness when God is the one who sees us in those seasons? 

All in all, I think the next time you feel frustrated, disappointed, or mistaken… maybe share it with someone. It doesn’t have to feel like a pity party but just a sharing of what you are learning, what you’re growing from, and what God is doing in your life.

Thanks for reading!