Hi, welcome 🙂  My first blog post. This post isn’t really anything special, I just feel like this is the journal entry that started it all for me. I realized that so much of how I process life is done on paper. You may read this and think: “this girl needs help” or “this is a little sappy” but I just like to slowly and critically process what I go through. 

Here we go… 

I begin writing today as I feel tears well up in my eyes. The cause of these tears becomes more difficult to pinpoint as they grow closer to streaming down my cheeks. It’s most likely a culmination of disappointment, anxiety, and feeling like I will never have the answer. 

You know that feeling when you feel like you’re doing everything right and you’re trying so hard and yet you don’t know why but you just can’t get things to go right?

Why doesn’t that person like me? Why can’t I say the right thing? Why does she act like that?? Why does this feeling hurt so bad???? 

Sometimes when I want to tell people what’s really going on in my head it’s probably for the best that I don’t. That’s when I take to writing. 

Often times when I’m overcome with many of these feelings I tend to gaslight myself after a few days into thinking I was being overdramatic. But in reality, life hurts, like really hurts sometimes. 

And sometimes the best thing I need to do is let myself feel every single emotion that I’m experiencing. 

In the Bible, when Lazarus died, “Jesus wept.” It’s the shortest verse in the Bible but to me it speaks volumes to how our Savior felt his emotions. It’s a testament to the fact that we are allowed to feel the pain that comes as a result of the broken world we live in. Despite what he knew was going to happen and the joy that was going to come (the same hope we have in Jesus), He acknowledged his pain and hurt. 

This is the first post on my blog and I realize this may come off as super dramatic or  convoluted, but that’s kind of the point. 

Big thoughts. Big words. BIG feelings. 

Welcome to the blog.