1. The Lord is good and faithful and kind and loving and just 

I was going to put this one last because it felt like a good closer but I think this deserves to go first. I made it 20 and I look around at my life and start crying sometimes because of how good the Lord has been to me. Is everything perfect? No. But I can see how God has had a hand through and through and how He really never stops working. If you’re reading this and don’t feel like this is true, try to put your hope in Jesus, it is worth it. 

2. Not everyone is supposed to like you 

Okay let’s get right into the hard stuff. This one is still hard for me to grasp sometimes. I think Aristotle said it best when he said, “there is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.” Or as Taylor Swift said “a friend to all is a friend to none.” Something I’ve learned after meeting people from all walks of life is: if there is not conflict or disagreement in your life, chances are, most of your relationships are probably superficial. There is just no way you can agree with everyone on everything. You’re not supposed to be the mediator of every argument and you’re not supposed to be neutral when a stand needs to be taken. And those things are gonna give you some haters, but that’s how life is supposed to be lived.

3. 4 quarters are better than 100 pennies. It might not feel like it sometimes, but they are.  

I spend lots of time on Pinterest, and as a result I have lots of sappy and/or inspiring quotes to pull out of my back pocket. One that I think is very fitting for lesson number 4 is: sometimes the grass is greener on the other side because it’s fake. Many times when it comes to friendship people idolize having the large friend group of girls that seem like sisters or the big co-ed friend group that has no drama. However, having been in what looked like a picturesque friend group before, I can tell you that the grass was fake. Nowadays, I’ve changed my mindset from trying to know everyone just for the sake of saying I know people to being intentional about forming good friendships. I probably will make another blog post all about friendship because I think it’s something that takes a lot of work and is very nuanced. I don’t think all your friends have to be besties, but I think that quality over quantity is the best way to do it. I’d rather spend a night with my 4 quarters than go out with 100 pennies. 🙂

4. The only competition you have is yourself   

One of my friends said the other day “I aspire to be more like you.” And I think that was the best compliment they could have given me. Everyday I strive to be a better version of who I was yesterday. If I’m too busy trying to look at someone else’s grass, I won’t be able to water my own. 

I grew up in a very small, gossipy, competitive–one could say– insecure area. And I think that coming out of that showed me that life is literally so big and amazing and grand and it’s just not worth the energy to try and compete with someone else for ANYTHING! Imagine you come to the end of your life and think to yourself, wow I really beat __(insert name)___. I mean I think that’s a really sad life to have lived. I want to be able to say I feel fulfilled and I accomplished MY goals and I wasn’t worried about who I was beating because I wasn’t worried about what others thought at all (reference lesson #7). And this ties in nicely to lesson #5. 

5. Have an abundance mindset 

The best way to avoid competing with others in your mind is to have an abundance mindset. If you have a competitive mindset chances are you probably think that there is some sort of prize to compete for and that it is scarce. In contrast, when you have an abundance mindset you don’t have to think like that because there’s enough to go around for everyone. 

I definitely used to have a more competitive mindset but I think that the alternative is so much more freeing. And when I think of the ultimate freedom that we have in Jesus, it makes so much sense because salvation itself is something that is abundant and offered to everyone. And if the greatest gift of life is provided for everyone, is it worth competing for the things that don’t even compare in value? 

I think I’ll do a whole blog post on an abundance mindset so I’ll finish that point here. 

6. It’s okay to be alone sometimes. It’s okay to be quiet sometimes. 

Okay this one is kind of like a 2 for 1 lesson. To start with that first sentence. I think it correlated to lesson #2 in the sense that some circles can makes us feel like we’re a loser if we’re not partying on a friday night. In fact, some of my friends have even said things that make it seem like, “oh why are we sitting at home watching a movie right now? We’re so boring.” Like… okay???? To me that’s not boring. And at the end of my life I don’t really foresee myself wishing I went to more ragers on the weekends. I love staying in, chatting with the people I love, and eating good food. And to take that further I love staying in, reading a good book, and being by myself some nights. In fact, I think that is necessary to be alone sometimes. I understand that as an introvert this is slightly easier for me too say but I think that our world would be a better place if more people took time to themselves. 

Sometimes the most important conversations we can have are the ones we have with ourselves. When we take the time to process a hard week, get to know ourselves, find what we truly like, and think about how we want to better ourselves, we begin to diminish the likelihood of external conflict. For example, if I took the time to process the fact that I have a hard time when it comes to a certain topic of conversation, I’m more likely to notice that about myself when I’m in a group setting and be able to think about how I can best handle the situation without making someone else feel uncomfortable. I lowkey just made that example up, idk if that made sense. Another example, would be taking the time to get to know myself and what I really like to do. When I do this, I’m able to make more decisions for myself instead of following the masses, I’m more confident in myself as a person, and I don’t have to worry about what someone else says and how that might affect what I think because I know what I think. Ultimately, I’ve found that when we take time for ourselves we become more fully developed and kinder individuals. 

On that note, the second part of this is about silence and quiet. Over my twenty years, I have become what I label myself as, “an observer.” In large group settings, I might take a few seconds to look around and just see what people are doing. I like to notice people’s reactions to certain comments, body language, etc. Does it sound kind of creepy? Maybe. But dilligaf fr? And because of this I feel like I understand people a little bit more. I observe that they don’t respond well to pushback, I observe that this person doesn’t handle difficult conversations well, I observe that this person is a little awk (tee hee i observe this one a lot in college), or I observe that that this person get’s nervous around that person (hehe). 

I think the world is full of so much to look at. When you take the time to observe it, and take time by yourself to process it, you’re able to feel more comfortable within it. 

7. Embarrassment is a choice 

An alternate heading for this one is “let people think you’re cringe.” Another alternate heading for this is, “if it won’t matter in 5 years, don’t spend more than 5 minutes thinking about it.” I feel like I have really learned this one in the last year or so. I can’t even recall the last time I was embarrassed, and I used to get embarrassed all the time. I think that we can spend days, hours, weeks worrying about what people thought of us when they probably are thinking about their own lives anyways.

I can fall on my face on the sidewalk. One person might be embarrassed over this instance and think: “Oh my gosh. People are laughing at me. I look so stupid. Everyone is gonna remember me as the girl who fell over on the sidewalk.”

This is how I will think of it: “Oh, that really freaking hurt. Omg the sidewalk is really slippery cause it’s snowing. Thankfully there were people around to help me up and if I got injured they could have called for help. Anyways, I need to get back to my dorm… “

Now if you showed me this like two years ago, no way would I have had that thought process. Today, that is the only reasonable thought process I can see. You can choose how to respond to a situation and often times if you are embarrassed in your head that will show on your face and then make others feel bad for you. But if you just act like it’s not a big deal… then it’s not 🤷

In all, no one is thinking about you, so why are you caring about what they think about you? Read that again. 

8. No one is making you do anything 

Life is so weird because humans have created these structures, timelines, and institutions for people to go through. When you stop and think though, you have the ability to do literally anything you want. I could drop out of college, work at Target for a few months, buy a van and drive across the country. Sure, some people might get really upset with me if I did that, but I COULD. And I think that this is a really important lesson to learn when making decisions.

This lesson was one that I needed to learn because there have been a lot of times in my life where I made the decision to stay in something difficult for no good reason. A lot of times I stayed because I was doing what I thought others expected of me.

A really small example of this happened this quarter at school. I joined an extracurricular and after a week or so I just realized it wasn’t for me. I thought that if I quit I was going to disappoint people and let them down. And then I realized that when I quit… the world will still turn, everything will be fine, and no one is making me stay. In reality, no one really cared when I quit. In fact, if you force yourself to stay in a situation that isn’t right for you and makes you miserable, you’re probably going to do a disservice to everyone else. So, I guess another way to put it is, sometimes it’s okay to quit. 

9. Be kind, it doesn’t cost anything. 

This one is another one that I really feel like I learned over the past year or so. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I was a menace before but I think I’m way more intentionally kind than previously. I’ve met a lot of people who are really kind and I’ve met a lot of people who are just NOT. 

And I think that this lesson is so simple it gets overlooked. This isn’t saying “just say please and thank you and put a smile on.” That’s not what being kind is, that’s what being nice is. And there’s a difference. Kindness is being generous, it’s being considerate, it’s being friendly to those who aren’t your friends. Kindness takes effort but it doesn’t cost a thing. 

If this feels obvious, then just take it as a reminder.  

10. Your family are your best friends. 

I’ll be finishing out this blog post with my homies. 

Over the pandemic, I think my family really just went through it. We had some really difficult conversations and not so fun days. Your family might not be perfect, mine certainly is not. But when you realize that they are human too, they didn’t choose their circumstances, and they are going through life for the first time too, you have a lot more grace for them. Don’t get me wrong, I get mad at them all the time, but I realize that everything they do is coming out of love. 

I obviously cannot blanket this statement to everyone’s family but if there’s someone in your life that has seen the ugliest parts of you and still loves you, that is your family.

Mine has proved that they are my lifeline. I could do anything and they would still love me. And I’ve learned over these last twenty years that friends come and go, but they will always be there. I love you guys ❤

Thanks for reading! Part 2 will come out Saturday!